Terms of Use, Parody Disclaimer & Privacy Policy

1. Nature of the Service

CertifyReal provides procedural, cryptographic recognition for the unsung endurance required by modern enterprise, corporate bureaucracy, and synthetic labor. All issuing bodies (including The Institute of Prompt Alignment, The High Tribunal of Calendar Terrorism, and The Royal College of Unread Confluence Pages) are fictitious, satirical entities created for comedic and morale-boosting purposes.

2. Non-Accreditation & Prohibition on Misrepresentation

Users agree not to present CertifyReal credentials to licensing boards, courts of law, mortgage underwriters, immigration officers, or university admissions offices as bona fide educational degrees or state-sanctioned occupational licenses. You may, however, proudly display them on LinkedIn, GitHub, or above your office monitor to celebrate your stoic composure.

3. Colleague Nominations & Civility

When using the “Confer Upon Colleague” feature, you agree to maintain good-natured workplace camaraderie. Citations must not contain unlawful, defamatory, harassing, or sexually explicit content. CertifyReal is designed to acknowledge mutual corporate suffering with humor, not malice.

4. Limitation of Liability & HR Deficit of Humor Clause

To the fullest extent permitted by law, CertifyReal and its contributors shall not be liable for any direct, indirect, incidental, or consequential damages resulting from:

• An HR Business Partner or direct supervisor who exhibits a clinical absence of humor;
• Inadvertent expensing of the $0.00 credential gas fee to a corporate credit card;
• Temporary disorientation caused by excessive exposure to corporate buzzwords;
• Any performance evaluation in which “Prompt Alignment Stamina” was cited without executive approval.

1. Zero Database & Zero PII Retention

CertifyReal operates on a 100% stateless architecture. We do not maintain a SQL database, user accounts, password tables, or personal identity registries. When you customize an honoree name or nomination reason, the data is compressed into a URL-safe string using the LZ-string algorithm directly in your browser. The server never stores your name, certificate contents, or issuance history.

2. No Tracking Cookies or Surveillance Pixels

We do not set third-party advertising cookies, track you across the web, or fingerprint your hardware. We do not sell, rent, monetize, or broker personal information under the California Consumer Privacy Act (CCPA) or European General Data Protection Regulation (GDPR).

3. Vercel Web Analytics

To monitor system uptime and geographic traffic volume, we utilize Vercel Web Analytics. Vercel Analytics is privacy-first, cookie-free, and does not collect or log personal data or unique IP addresses. All performance and visitor metrics are aggregated anonymously.

4. Candidate Biometric Vibe Check Simulation

The “Candidate Biometric Vibe Check” scanner is a purely procedural, client-side animation. We do not access your webcam, record video frames, sample ambient microphone audio, or perform facial recognition. All telemetry metrics (e.g. “Eye-Roll Suppression: 100%”) are generated via mathematical pseudo-random number seeds calculated in local browser RAM.

5. Third-Party Integrations (LinkedIn)

When you click “Add to LinkedIn Profile”, your browser is directed to LinkedIn's public credential URL handler via standard HTTPS GET query parameters. CertifyReal does not connect to your LinkedIn account, access your social graph, or receive authentication tokens.

6. Compliance Inquiries

Questions regarding our cryptographic primitives or satirical taxonomy may be directed to the Office of Synthetic Compliance at compliance@mediumclick.com.